Well, let me tell ya, this whole diamond thing, it’s a bit much for an old woman like me. But I heard folks talkin’ about big shiny rocks, so I figured I’d chime in. They call ’em “carats,” these things. Sounds like carrots, but I reckon they ain’t good for eatin’.
Now, they say some of these rocks are better than others. Somethin’ about “clarity,” like lookin’ through a window, I guess. If it’s all cloudy, they say it ain’t worth much. They got these letters, like “I” somethin’. I-3, they say, stay away from it. Like a bad apple, I suppose. I-2 ain’t much better. They say stick with I-1 if you gotta go with them “I” ones. But the real fancy ones, they got other letters, I hear.
- Big rocks, they call ’em “massive.” Anything bigger than three carats, they say it’s big. Imagine that! Three carrots worth of shiny rock!
- Some folks even get rocks as big as ten carats! Ten carrots! That’s a whole lotta salad, I tell ya.
- And they put these rocks on rings, little gold circles for your fingers. But you gotta be careful, they say. If your fingers are skinny at the bottom and fat in the middle, the ring might slip off.
- And if your knuckles are big, well, you gotta make sure it fits over them knuckles, or you ain’t gettin’ that ring on, no sir.
Now, I heard tell of a rock, a real monster of a rock. Forty-three thousand carats, they say! 43000 carats! Can you even imagine? That’s like, a whole field of carrots, all turned into one shiny rock! I don’t know where they found it, or who’s got it now, but it must be somethin’ to see. They found a big one in some place called Bot- swa-na. Big as you please, over two thousand carats. Second biggest ever, they say.
They got these machines, like magic boxes, that can see inside the rocks. X-rays, they call ’em. Helps ’em find the good stuff, I guess. And they cut these rocks into all sorts of shapes. Round ones, square ones, even heart-shaped ones! Folks are funny, spendin’ all that money on rocks.
But I guess if it makes ’em happy, who am I to judge? Me, I’m happy with a good cup of tea and a warm biscuit. Don’t need no forty-three thousand carat rock to make me smile. But if someone wants to give this old woman some big shiny rock, I ain’t gonna say no. Big rocks, small rocks, they’re all just rocks at the end of the day.
Anyway, back to these big shiny rocks. They say the bigger they are, the more they’re worth. And the clearer they are, the better. So, a big, clear rock is like the holy grail, I reckon. And this 43000 carat one, well, it must be somethin’ special. Probably worth more money than I can even imagine. More money than this whole town is worth, I bet.
They use gold for the rings, they say. Eighteen-karat gold. Not the carrots this time, a different kind of karat. Makes it all fancy, I suppose. But it don’t change the fact that it’s just a rock, sitting on a piece of metal. Pretty, maybe, but still just a rock.
I heard some folks talkin’ about gettin’ diamonds cut just the way they want ‘em. Thirty different shapes, they say! Imagine that! Thirty different ways to make a rock look fancy. They call it “bespoke,” like gettin’ a dress made just for you. Only it’s a rock, not a dress.
So, there you have it. My two cents on these big shiny rocks. Don’t know much about ‘em, but I know what I like. And I like a good story, even if it’s about a forty-three thousand carat rock. It’s somethin’ to talk about, ain’t it? Something different from the usual hen-pecking and corn shucking. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I got a kettle to put on.
