Okay, so I went down a bit of a weird rabbit hole recently. Got it stuck in my head that I needed to find one of those off-brand Cabbage Patch Kids. You remember those things from back in the day? The ones that kinda looked like the real deal but were definitely… cheaper? Yeah, those.
Starting the Search
First thing I did was hit the internet. Typed in stuff like “doll like cabbage patch”, “80s soft body doll”, “generic cabbage doll”. Man, what a mess. You get everything under the sun. Some creepy handmade things, some dolls that look nothing like them, and a ton of listings using “Cabbage Patch” when they clearly aren’t. Wasted a good hour just scrolling through junk.
Realized pretty quick the web wasn’t gonna be super helpful unless I knew a specific fake brand name, which I didn’t. So, I figured, okay, time to hit the bricks. Gotta check out the places where old toys go to die. Thrift stores, charity shops, maybe even a flea market.
Hitting the Thrift Stores
Spent a Saturday afternoon driving around. Went to Goodwill first. Nothing but Barbies with crazy hair and those weirdly heavy baby dolls. Then tried a couple of smaller local charity shops. Same deal. Lots of stuffed animals missing eyes, broken board games. You find some strange stuff, but no knock-off Cabbage Patch Kids.
It started feeling kinda pointless. Like, why am I even doing this? My wife asked me the same thing when I got home empty-handed. “Why are you looking for a fake doll? Just get a real one if you want one.”
And she’s kinda right, you know? It wasn’t really about needing the doll. It was more about the hunt, I guess. It reminded me of this time I was obsessed with finding this specific type of cheap, weird-flavored soda I used to drink as a kid. Couldn’t find it anywhere. Drove to like three different sketchy convenience stores way out of my way. Finally found it. Tasted awful. But finding it? That was the win. This doll thing felt like that. It wasn’t about getting the ‘best’ version, it was about finding that specific memory, that specific type of almost-forgotten thing.
Success (Kind Of)
Anyway, I was about ready to give up. Then, last weekend, I stopped by this indoor flea market thing. Mostly old tools, records, dusty furniture. But way in the back, this one stall had boxes overflowing with old toys. Just heaps of random plastic.
And I saw it. Tucked under a pile of My Little Ponies. It was definitely one of them. Not a real Cabbage Patch Kid, no way. The head was that cheaper plastic, the eyes were painted a bit wonky. Soft body, yarn hair that was kinda thin.
- Head: Plastic, lighter than I remember the real ones being.
- Body: Cloth, stuffed with something soft but lumpy.
- Hair: Brown yarn, a bit messy.
- Clothes: Some weird little generic dress, probably not original.
- Markings: Nothing. No brand name on the neck, no tags on the body. Totally anonymous.
It wasn’t pretty. It looked like it had lived a rough life. But it was exactly what I was looking for – a genuine, off-brand Cabbage Patch Kid survivor. Asked the guy how much. He shrugged, said “Five bucks?” Sold.
So now it’s sitting on a shelf in my office. Just kinda staring. It’s objectively a piece of cheap plastic and cloth. But finding it felt like digging up a weird little piece of the past. The whole process, the looking, the remembering why I was even looking? That was the interesting part. More satisfying than just ordering something perfect online, anyway.
