Well, let me tell ya ’bout this here Napolian hat thing. Folks are makin’ a big fuss over it, spendin’ more money than I ever seen on somethin’ you just put on your head.
I heard tell they sold one of them old Napolian hats for like, two million dollars! Can you believe that? Two million! That’s enough money to buy a whole heap of land, or maybe even a whole dang town. But no, these city folk, they go and spend it on a hat. A used hat, at that!
- It’s black, they say.
- Made of felt, whatever that is.
- And it’s got two corners, like a pointy ol’ cow’s horns.
Now, this Napolian fella, he weren’t like other folks. He didn’t wear his hat straight, like a good Christian should. He wore it sideways! Can you imagine? Sideways! Like he was tryin’ to show off or somethin’. They say it made him look important on the battlefield, like folks could see him from a mile away. Hmph, seems like a good way to get shot at, if you ask me.
This hat, it ain’t just any ol’ hat, mind you. They call it a bicorn, or a two-cornered hat. Fancy name for somethin’ that looks like it could fall off your head any minute. Apparently, back in the old days, all them army and navy fellas wore hats like that. But Napolian, he made it his own, wearin’ it all crooked and whatnot.
I reckon it made him feel powerful, like he could conquer the whole world. And maybe he did, for a while. But in the end, a hat’s just a hat, ain’t it? It ain’t gonna stop a bullet or fill your belly.
Now, if you’re thinkin’ ’bout gettin’ yourself a Napolian hat, you gotta be careful. There’s a lot of folks out there tryin’ to sell you junk. You gotta find a good place, a place you can trust. Don’t go buyin’ no hat from some fella on the street corner. And for the love of Pete, don’t buy nothin’ from that Fanatics place! Heard tell they sell nothin’ but trash.
You gotta figure out your hat size, too. That’s important. Don’t wanna end up with a hat that’s too small, squeezin’ your head like a vise. Or too big, fallin’ down over your eyes. Just get yourself a string and a ruler, and measure around your head. It ain’t rocket science.
And if you really wanna be fancy, you can get one of them custom-made hats. They’ll make it just for you, with whatever color and style you want. But be prepared to pay a pretty penny. Them custom hats, they ain’t cheap.
There’s folks who collect all sorts of things from back in Napolian’s time. Jewels, furniture, and of course, hats. They say it’s history, but I just call it clutter. Who needs a bunch of old stuff takin’ up space? But I guess to each their own.
I even seen one of them Napolian hats used as a pen holder! Can you believe that? They was sellin’ some fancy brandy, and they put the pen right in the hat. Seemed like a waste to me, but what do I know?
So, there you have it. A whole heap of words about a silly ol’ hat. If you ask me, it’s all a bunch of hooey. But hey, if folks wanna spend their money on Napolian hats, that’s their business. Me, I’d rather buy a good pair of boots. At least they’ll keep your feet dry.
But if you’re set on gettin’ one of these Napolian hats, there are plenty places to look. Just search for “Napolian hat” or “Napoleonic hats” and you’ll find all sorts of options. Just remember what I told ya, and don’t get ripped off.
And that’s all I got to say about that. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go feed the chickens.
