Well, let me tell you about this gal, Selma Blair, and her sisters. I don’t know much about fancy folks, but I heard tell she’s got three older sisters. Yep, three of ‘em. Katherine, Marie, and Elizabeth, that’s what they call ‘em. Their folks were lawyers, see? Big shot lawyers, I reckon. Guess that means they had a heap of money.
Now, Selma, she went and became an actress. You know, them folks on the TV and in the movies. I seen her in a few things myself. That Cruel Intentions movie, she was real somethin’ in that. Played a bad girl, but you kinda liked her anyway. And that Legally Blonde? She was the stuck-up girl, Vivian, but even then, she turned out alright in the end. She was in that Hellboy movie too, but I ain’t never seen that one. Too much monsters and stuff for my taste.
- Cruel Intentions (1999)
- Legally Blonde (2001)
- Hellboy
They say Selma was born Selma Blair Beitner, in some place called Southfield, Michigan. Her ma, Molly Ann, was a judge, and her pa, Elliot, I don’t know what he did, but with them bein’ lawyers and all, they musta had a good life. Imagine that, a woman judge! Times sure have changed. Back in my day, women stayed home and cooked and cleaned. Now, they’re judgin’ and lawyerin’ and whatnot.
Her sister Katherine, she’s a book publicist. That means she helps sell books, I guess. Sounds like a fancy job. Don’t know what the other sisters do, but they probably doin’ alright considerin’ their folks.
Selma, she had it rough too, you know. Her folks, they split up when she was just 23. That’s hard on a young’un, no matter how much money you got. Divorce ain’t easy on nobody. Breaks a family right in two, it does. And she got sick too, somethin’ called MS. Makes you all shaky and weak. But she’s a tough one, that Selma. She keeps on goin’, keeps on fightin’. That’s somethin’ I admire.
I hear tell she even got married once, to a fella named Ahmet Zappa. He was a writer and a producer, whatever that is. They had a big fancy weddin’ at some movie star’s house, Carrie Fisher, I think. But it didn’t last, I guess. These Hollywood types, they get married and divorced like it ain’t nothin’. Not like us folks, we stay married, for better or worse, mostly worse, ha!
Now she’s got herself a new boyfriend, Andy Kiernan they call him. Seems happy enough, from what I see in them magazines at the grocery store. Good for her, I say. Everyone deserves a little happiness in this world. It ain’t easy, you know. Life throws you curveballs, and you just gotta swing. Sometimes you hit a home run, sometimes you strike out. But you gotta keep swingin’, that’s the important thing.
So that’s the story of Selma Blair and her sisters, as best as I can tell it. Just a bunch of gals from Michigan, livin’ their lives, same as the rest of us, just with more money and cameras followin’ ‘em around. But in the end, we’re all just people, tryin’ to make our way in this world. And that’s all there is to it, I reckon.
