I always wondered how those male perfume models look so damn confident and intense on camera. Like, what’s their secret sauce? So last month, I decided to crash a local fragrance photoshoot event with my buddy Derek who does makeup gigs. Total noob move.
Hung around the catering table pretending to eat mini sandwiches while eyeballing the head photographer. Dude kept yelling “LESS FACE MORE SOUL” at this Brazilian model. When that guy took a break, I straight-up cornered him near the coffee machine.
“Yo man, how do you NOT look like a constipated mannequin smelling flowers?” That got him laughing. He dropped three golden rules real quick:
- Stop being a person – You ain’t Chad smelling roses, you’re an archetype like “mysterious warrior” or “city ghost”
- Speak with your throat – Squeeze your Adam’s apple before shooting for that intense vein-popping neck look
- Pick one sense to murder – Either go full dead-eye stare OR make your jawline tense as concrete OR show knuckle creases like you’re gripping life
Next Tuesday I borrowed Derek’s fancy cologne and practiced in my bathroom mirror. First tries were trash – looked like I was either smelling spoiled milk or trying to hold in diarrhea. Kept replaying the “city ghost” thing. Slouched against the tile wall imagining I was smoke from a burnt down nightclub. Squeezed my throat til I saw veins. Murdered my eyes while relaxing my mouth. Clicked phone selfies.
Holy crap. The pics looked nothing like my awkward headshots. Showed Derek and he goes “Shit, when did you become Tom Ford’s bastard child?” Sent these to an indie fragrance brand’s open casting. No fancy agents, just Instagram DM. They hit back in 48 hours asking for my measurements. Currently prepping for my first test shoot next Thursday smelling like wood and regret. Key takeaway? Stop being human and turn into a sexy concept with angry neck muscles.
