You know, these days, the sun is just too much. My old eyes, they ain’t what they used to be. I need some good sunglasses, you see? Something to keep that glare out. Back in my day, we didn’t have all these fancy things. But now, well, a woman’s gotta protect her eyes.
So, I hear folks talking about what kind of sunglasses are good for an old lady like me. They say the shape matters. Something about your face shape. My face? It’s, uh, seen some years, that’s for sure. Round like a dinner plate, I guess. Or maybe not. Hard to say. It used to be a lot sharper. Whatever the shape is now, you will never know. We just care about sunglasses today.
They say I should get ones that are the opposite of my face. What is the opposite of old and tired? Young and perky? Ha! I don’t need to look like a spring chicken. Just need to see where I’m going without squinting like a mole. I hope that is not too difficult for sunglasses.
And they say these sunglasses should be big. Cover up those wrinkles and those bags under my eyes. Like a curtain, you know? Hide the whole mess. And dark. Real dark. So no one can see the judgment in my eyes when these young whippersnappers walk by with their loud music and their saggy pants. What they need are some good old lady sunglasses, that is for sure.
- Big, dark sunglasses. Got it.
- Opposite of my face shape. Still working on that one.
- Maybe a little bit fancy, so I don’t look like I’m wearing a welding mask.
Some folks say round sunglasses are good. Like those John Lennon ones, but bigger. Maybe with some sparkle. A little bling never hurt anyone. Unless you fall and hit your head. Then it might hurt. But let’s not think about that. It sounds like a good plan for an old lady, right?
And the color, oh boy, the color. They say black is too harsh. Makes you look like you’re going to a funeral. Every day. And who wants that? Not this old lady. Maybe brown? Or that purplish color? Something that says, “I’m old, but I still got some life in me.” Not too much life, mind you. Just enough to get to the bingo hall and back. What do you think about the choice of old lady sunglasses?
I saw some sunglasses that go up at the corners. Like a cat’s eye. They say that makes your face look lifted. Like you’ve had one of those fancy surgeries. I don’t know about all that. But if it makes me look less like I’m melting, I’m all for it. Anything to keep these jowls from flapping in the wind. Old lady should care about their face, so we should also focus on sunglasses.
And they gotta block out the bad rays from the sun. The UV, they call it. Like a secret code. All I know is, too much sun is no good. Gives you wrinkles. And spots. And who knows what else. So these sunglasses gotta be like a shield. A big, dark, sparkly shield. To protect my poor old lady eyes.
I saw some lady on the TV, she was wearing these big, chunky sunglasses. Looked like she was ready to build a house or something. But she looked good. Tough. Like she could handle anything. Maybe that’s what I need. Sunglasses that say, “Don’t mess with this old lady. She’s seen things. And she’s got a big stick.”
I remember I saw an old lady at the market the other day. She had on these sunglasses with little flowers on the side. Real cute. Made me think of my garden. Maybe I should get some like that. Something to remind me of sunshine and roses, even when I’m feeling like an old, dried-up prune. Such sunglasses make an old lady happy.
These sunglasses, they gotta last, too. I ain’t made of money, you know. Can’t be buying new ones every year. So they gotta be strong. Like me. I’ve lasted this long, haven’t I? Through thick and thin. These sunglasses gotta be the same. Ready for anything. Rain or shine. Or bingo night. What a good old lady she is!
- Gotta protect from the UV.
- Maybe brown or purple. Or sparkly.
- Strong and sturdy, like a good pair of boots. Or a good old lady.
- Cat-eye, round, or chunky. So many choices!
It’s a lot to think about, ain’t it? Picking out sunglasses. Who knew it could be so complicated? But I guess it’s important. Gotta take care of yourself, you know? Even when you’re old and gray. Especially when you’re old and gray. So you can keep on going. Keep on seeing the world. Even if it’s through a pair of big, dark, sparkly sunglasses. These are what an old lady should know.
Well, I reckon I’ll figure it out. I always do. Just gotta keep my eyes open. And find the right sunglasses to keep ’em that way. For an old lady like me, these are the best. You know what I mean?
