Okay so my dumb journey trying that birkin bait nonsense went about as well as you’d expect. Basically, folks online talk about doing certain things so Hermès might offer you a Birkin without you asking outright. Sounded like magic, right? Spoiler: it ain’t.
Starting Off Like a Total Noob
First thing, I went to my local Hermès store. Totally forgot it was Saturday afternoon, place was packed like a fish market. Rookie mistake number one. Sales Associate was nice but super busy, barely had time for anyone. I tried that whole “casually look at other stuff” thing, walked around the scarves, glanced at shoes, pretended like I belonged. Felt awkward as heck. Ended up buying a small scarf, trying to play the game. Did they offer me a Birkin? LOL. Did I even get a meaningful glance? Nope. Just a receipt.
Trying “The Strategy” (Hint: It Sucked)
Went back a couple weeks later. Different SA this time. Older lady, seemed calmer. Remembered the “build a profile” advice online. Spent way too long looking at a damn blanket. Like, who actually needs a Hermès blanket? Apparently me, trying to be a player. Bought it. Ouch, my wallet screamed. Also picked up a charm thing for a bag I don’t own. Figured I was building points, right? Still nothing. No whisper, no secret wink, no “come to the back room“. Feeling dumb.
Here’s the junk I accumulated trying to play nice:
- Scarves: Two now. One I kinda liked, one I bought hoping it counted.
- That Blanket: Seriously fluffy, seriously expensive. Dog loves it.
- Random Charm: Sitting in a drawer. Waste of money.
- A Plate: Yeah, a decorative plate. Don’t ask, desperation hit hard.
The “Win” That Wasn’t Really
Months later. Visited a store out of town while visiting my sister. Wasn’t even thinking about it, just tagging along. My sister chatted up an SA about baby stuff (she’s pregnant). Suddenly, the SA gets all quiet and says, “We might have something you’d find interesting.” My ears perked up! They brought out… a Herbag. Not a Birkin. Not even a Kelly. A freakin’ Herbag. Basically a fabric tote bag with a leather top. Apparently, for building my profile further and showing my “diverse interests” (baby plates, anyone?). Sister nudged me hard. So yeah, bought the Herbag. Felt like a consolation prize shoved at me.
Where It Ended Up
After a year of this nonsense, a few thousand bucks lighter, and owning a pile of Hermès stuff I barely use? Gave up completely. That Herbag? Gets used for hauling groceries sometimes. The scarves collect dust. The blanket is indeed nice, dog hair and all.
Biggest Lesson? The whole “bait” thing is mostly nonsense for normal people. You either gotta spend like crazy on useless junk regularly hoping it eventually works, or be insanely lucky/willing to wait years. It’s a rigged game designed to make you spend money on stuff you don’t want.
Why do I know this? Because like an idiot, I played it. Wasted time and money chasing a bag strategy that mostly lives in fantasy land. Learned the hard way that they know what you’re doing, and they’ll happily take your money for other items while keeping the “prize” dangling just out of reach. Magically, I stopped going, stopped buying, and my bank account finally breathed a sigh of relief. Pulled the plug on that dream. Way less stressful just admitting defeat.
