Alright folks, grab a cuppa, ’cause this high tea outfit fiasco is a story worth telling. Buckle up.
The “Ooo Fancy Tea!” Idea Hits
So, my cousin Jenny scored us invites to this proper afternoon tea at the Windsor Hotel downtown. Real posh place. She texts me all excited, says “Dress nice, it’s high tea!” And I’m sitting there in my ratty sweatpants thinking… nice? How nice? Brunch nice? Wedding nice? Had zero clue. Panic started bubbling faster than the kettle.
First instinct? Google it, obviously. Typed “what to wear high tea afternoon tea” – big mistake. Opened like ten tabs. Everyone was screaming different things. One site yelled “Hats are mandatory!” (Nope, didn’t have one). Another whispered “Bright colors only!” (My closet’s basically sad grey). One even insisted on “gloves and pearls” (Seriously? Where does one even buy pearls?). Got instantly overwhelmed. Closed laptop. Deep sigh.
D-Day Desperation & Dressing Room Chaos
Morning of the tea, standing in my underwear surrounded by piles of clothes. Felt like a contestant on the worst game show ever. Here’s what went down:
- Tried the “Smart Casual” combo: Nice dark jeans, pretty floral blouse, ankle boots. Looked in mirror – nope. Way too “Sunday farmers market”. Could feel the disapproving stares already.
- Went Full “Maybe Like A Wedding?”: Pulled out a knee-length summery dress I wore to a friend’s reception. Strappy, flowery, kinda boho. Put it on. Instant regret. Straps? Major don’t – apparently bare shoulders are a faux pas? Seemed too relaxed, too beachy. Also, ankles showing – another potential red flag according to some random blog? This was getting ridiculous.
- Stared Down The Pantsuit: Had a tailored navy blazer and matching trousers. Looked sharp! But then thought… is this trying too hard? Felt like I was cosplaying a CEO, not going for tea and scones. Was sweating bullets.
Total meltdown commenced. Texted Jenny: “OMG WHAT DO I WEAR THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE.” Her reply? Chill voice note: “Calm down. Think dressy, not fussy. Skirt or dress around knee-length. Tights? Jacket or cardigan maybe? Closed toe shoes. Avoid gym stuff. Easy!” Right. Okay. Focus.
The (Mildly) Triumphant Finale
Armed with Jenny’s down-to-earth advice, I scrapped the nonsense. Dug out:
- A simple, solid colour shift dress that hit just above the knee.
- Completely ditched the strappy idea – wore the dress with short sleeves instead.
- Tights? Yes – sheer black ones. Suddenly felt covered and proper.
- Shoes? Abandoned the boots and open toes. Went with simple, low black block heels – easy walk, no toes peeking.
- Threw a tailored black cardigan over the dress – instantly smarter, plus potential chilly room solution.
- Jewelry? Tiny gold earrings, one simple bracelet. Nothing jangly or over-the-top.
Looked in the mirror. Not a fashion icon, but definitely not underdressed or overdressed. Felt comfortable. Didn’t look like I was trying to meet the Queen or escape the gym.
Walking In & Lessons Learned
Got to the hotel, slightly tense. Scanning the room like a spy. Relief flooded in. Saw women in:
- Nicely tailored skirts and jumpers.
- Classic shirt dresses with belts.
- Smart trousers with elegant blouses and blazers.
No ballgowns. No tiaras. No hats (a few fancy ones, but not the rule). Mostly closed shoes, mostly covered shoulders (either sleeves or cardis/jackets). The vibe was polished, put-together, but approachable. My outfit? Fit right in. Total win.
Key takeaways punched me in the face:
- Dos: Knee-ish length. Sleeves or cover-ups for shoulders. Closed toe shoes (heels, flats, smart loafers all spotted). Tights in colder months. Smart separates work perfectly. A blazer or cardi elevates instantly.
- Don’ts: Super short skirts. Flip-flops/athletic shoes. Heavy cleavage. Bare shoulders all by themselves. Super faded/torn/overly casual denim. Sportswear (like, obviously).
- Biggest Lesson? The goal isn’t extreme formality, it’s respectful polish. It’s showing you made an effort for the occasion. “Dressy but not over-the-top” is the golden rule they don’t shout loud enough. Ignore the extreme “musts” you see online. Stick to the basics of looking neat, covered appropriately, and slightly more formal than your coffee run. Survived it. Sipped my Earl Grey feeling smug. And ate all the clotted cream.
